I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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