Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize