Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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