just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
