Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
