Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize