He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
