The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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