Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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