She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
