He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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