Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to calm my uterus...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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