I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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