And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
