I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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