just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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