my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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