just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
