Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
