How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
