So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
