Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
