and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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