I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
