sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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