I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
