your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
