So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
