he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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