Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
