I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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