Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
