I cockslap morals
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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