You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
