Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
