I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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