Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize