He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
