i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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