dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Are my feet made of real feet?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
