theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
