I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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