News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
