I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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