Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just pee around me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
