She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
