how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
