too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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