thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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