Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
