umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
