stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
