you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
