you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do vagina's smell?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
