He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
