I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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