so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
