fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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