I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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