3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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